Builder's lad

A white van pulls up outside a greasy spoon, it's not yet 9am, they're going for their pre-work artery toughening and tea. 

He gets out of the passenger side, he's wearing jogging bottoms and a tshirt. He shuts the door behind him and makes his way to the pavement round the back of the van. He wedges a tabloid under his arm. Every day he goes out for a full English before he sets to work, every day he downs gallons of strong tea, not much milk, plenty of sugar but he doesn't do that every day, not really. He looks awkward, he's too slight and too clean for this line of work.  Later on someone will contemplate sending him out for a long stand, just to see if he'll fall for it. His dad gets out of the other side of the van and leads him into the cafe so he can learn at least one important lesson during his unofficial work experience over the summer holidays.

Bump

Over the weekend someone forgot that he lived on a hill. Someone forgot that he needed to apply his handbrake. Someone's car rolled down the road into the back of my car. Our next door neighbours rang to let us know, we were on our first day out in absolutely ages. Days out used to be the thing we did the most but they've been few and far between lately. We rushed home to see what had gone on. The car that had rolled into mine had gone and it would be 4 hours before it (and the driver) returned.  It's not a new car by any means, but it's newish to me, I've only had it since February. It's not that bad, it's driveable but it's got a sizeable dent in the back wing and the bumper. I'm still disappointed, not just over the car but having to cut short a day out. We'd just arrived, it was a steam fair (boring, yes), we did a lap of the field taking cursory glances at steam engines but making a beeline for the toilets, then we looked at some cars and that's when the call came. We effectively paid £16 to piss in a portaloo. 

Tour de Gym

Last week I was collared by one of the gym instructors, "you're just the person I need".* He wanted me to sign up to a challenge that's been set across all the council's leisure centres. All I needed to do was agree to try and cover as much of the distance covered by the cyclists in the Tour de France over the same period, using the cardio equipment in the gym. The course is 3,656km. Whoever gets the closest to the distance wins £50 in sports vouchers, three runners up get £25. 

For me this is good, I am in one of my gym lulls at the moment, despite an expanding belly I seem to be struggling with the motivation. After 9 years of going to the gym most week nights I am a bit bored of it, fed up of having to suffer this to not get as fat as I once was. Doing this challenge will appeal to my compulsive side and I won't want to miss a regular gym day for the next duration. I won't win, I won't come close to winning. One week (this week), I have to get home to see to the dog so can't spend as long in the gym as I'd like to so that's a fair few kilometres knocked off my distance. The other reason is that while I was being coerced into this, a man standing next to me told me not to bother because he was definitely going to win. I have a distinct feeling that he is correct, he is going to win this by a mile, or a lot of miles, actually. 

The challenge started on Saturday, I don't go to the gym at the weekends (unless I'm in a bad way with my mind) so I started on Monday, I've lost two days already. It doesn't matter, two days won't make a difference because Mr Competitive has got this. On Monday I covered 12km, not great but not horrendous. Well, it was pretty bad because the second part of my workout was on the x-trainer, Mr Competitive was on the next machine. He was pedalling away and when he finished, I glanced over to see how far he'd gone. 49.97km. I told you he'd got this. 

Oh and don't get me started on that number. He didn't seem bothered but I cannot comprehend how he's stopped at that number. Why not take it to a round 50km? If the machine's gone off, start it up again, do another .03km, get that last bit in. If it was me, I'd have to carry on till 50.05km, but 50km would have done, it's better than 49.97km anyway. 

In three weeks time I won't be a winner, I won't even be a runner up, as I've managed, 12km and then 15km over two days this week, but I will have stuck to something for the first time in a while. 

In three weeks time I am going to ask Mr Competitive what exactly is a sports voucher. 

*he was definitely saying this to everyone who came in that day, the staff at the centre who sign the most people up get a reward

Long Time, No Blog

Since I last posted  

I have become engaged in a monumental battle of wills with an impossibly stubborn terrier. I read over the blog I posted just after we got him, he's still doing pretty much everything I mentioned, except he is house trained, but either I've got used to it or he's not as bad as he was. He's really growing up, all of a sudden, he's changing into a proper dog. It's a good job he's adorable because his bloody mindedness is an absolute bastard to contend with. You may think that it's ridiculous to claim a dog can be stubborn, if you do, you've not met him. If he's busy doing something woe betide anyone who wants him to not do it, particularly digging in the sofa.  He went through a phase, in mid-June where he would sit down mid walk, or sometimes just after we'd left the house and try as you might nothing would tempt him to carry on walking. You could shove handfuls of cooked meat in his face, he'd turn his head. You could run on ahead so that he'd chase you, he would root himself to the spot. I have never been so frustrated in all my life. Also, do you know how daft you look carrying a dog along the prom, with the dog, head held high in the air, looking around him as if to say "oh the view up here is really nice, actually"? The answer is really fucking daft. Actually, I have things to say about fellow dog walkers but I will save that for another time. 

I have played tourist near my house, my good friend came to visit from London, we did a tour of a little village and the art gallery in the village, we went shopping and then drove along the seaside back to mine. It was quite the tour. 

I have played tourist in London with the same friend. As a lot of my friends live there it's rare we do anything tourist-y when I visit. This time was different, we took the tube to The London Dungeons, turned out it'd moved, we walked down to the river with the intention of walking to the new venue. On the way we went to The Clink, a tiny little museum that's a) cheap and b) fun because it's not boring and stuffy nor is it brand new. When we finally got to the dungeons we queued for what felt like an eternity in a dark corridor waiting to be let in. It's the kind of tour with actors and with things jumping out at you. We queued again once we were in, standing in front of a glass tank full of rats. That made me queasy. We went on a ride part way through the tour, we got soaked with really smelly water. At the end we went on another ride, you experience the drop you would fall when being hung. After that we walked to Westminster Abbey, had a look at it, then I got the train home. It sounds like we did nothing but I had a really good day out, I love London the most out of any city. 

I went to a wedding, a christening and a birthday party in one weekend. It was ridiculously busy. The wedding was absolutely lovely, I have more to say on this because the bride looked so good it made me wish I'd had a totally different wedding dress. 

I went to a tattoo convention with my best friend. She was getting tattooed, I was keeping her company. I have absolutely no tattoos, not because I don't like them, I do, they look brilliant. No, my problem is that I can't think of anything I would want on me forever, there is nothing I can think of that I know for sure I would still like in a few years, or even in a few months. Actually, I had a dream over the weekend that I was out with this same friend and I got a tattoo. I hated it, it was a quote right across my right shin, in a horrible font. I remember saying to her "why have I done this?" I kept saying how I'd ruined my legs. 

I watched a strongman event in Stoke where the men were paired up and worked in teams. You're guaranteed a decent day out with strongman. Obviously I am biased because that was my honeymoon but I really do love it. We got to catch up with a friend while we waited for it to start and then when it was over we caught up with other friends (the friend I played tourist with and her husband, one of the competitors) and then had to rush back home to retrieve the dog from Mr T's parents. It's funny, it's like having a child, having to collect it from the baby sitter. 

That's pretty much all I have done that is of any worth. Can you imagine what I've done that is of no worth? Pretty fucking dull. 

That's Albert looking at the curtain I was holding up to stop him trying to tear around the kitchen with it in his mouth, which is one of his current hobbies