Twat hat Saturday

The other day, while I was banging on about my motoring triumphs that in reality are nothing to write home about, I mentioned visiting my friend Hannah but I didn't tell you why I was visiting her, did I? Well, I am very pleased to tell you that I was at her house to collect an award, there was no read carpet leading to her door and no paps about but there was juice and cake, and an award. I am the proud winner of her competition #twathatsaturday, I got a brilliant handmade @Onegirl1cup mug. It's like getting an Oscar only better because you can't drink out of an Oscar can you? I'm sure you're dying to know what I did to win such a prestigious title, well I tweeted a picture of myself and our friend Leanne looking like twats in hats and Hannah judged us to be the best twats in hats that day, I'm pretty sure we're the best ever but I wouldn't like to put any of you off entering in future.

You're dying to see the winning picture, aren't you?

I've cropped Leanne out of this, I figured she may not want her picture plastered all over the internet. It's an old picture from a day out at Port Sunlight Village - a little place you should definitely go to if you ever get the chance.

Anyway, the important thing here is I won a prize, I never win anything so it was especially brilliant. I had no idea what my prize was going to be but I was bloody thrilled with what I got. Here I am modelling it (looking like a twat with the mug to prove it) when we stopped off at the shops on the way home from Hannah's. I am not sure how I managed not to get kicked out of there while I fished around in my bag, unwrapped the mug, tried on stupid hats and took about 42 pictures in a bid to get a half decent one, all the while my fringe was jabbing me in the eyeballs.

Are you jealous of it? I bet you are. You can get your own one with whatever you want painted onto it, have a word with Hannah and she'll make something awesome just for you.

Have you ever won something? What was it? 

Edit: this isn't a sponsored post, by the way

A secret

Reader, I have been harbouring a secret for a long time now, I've been learning to drive. I've not really mentioned it to anybody, not even people in real life, it's something I've been doing on the quiet, I haven't wanted to discuss it in case I failed my test. You see, I'm a defeatist at heart, if something doesn't work for me on the first attempt it's almost a given I won't even try it again. I don't ever truly believe in myself, I'm not looking for sympathy or fishing for compliments here, I'm merely stating a fact. Anyway, back to the driving. I put off taking my theory test for an absolute age, apathy got in the way. I finally took it on my birthday this year, I nearly walked out halfway through, I was so convinced I'd failed. I mean, how many know where a horse is going if it's in the left hand lane approaching a roundabout?* I almost nodded off during the hazard perception section, the videos were hypnotic and incredibly dull. I read over my answers twice, one or two that had had me stumped meant I felt as if I'd done the whole thing wrong. I left the room and awaited my results. I'd got 47/50, good job I didn't leave really. And then for the next couple of months I drove round and round with my instructor, every Saturday morning, we finished all his mock test routes, we drove through snow, rain, bright winter sun, I finally booked my test for 1st May, I was felt sick as I put my card details in, I wasn't ready, I couldn't do it, I just couldn't.

In the mean time I did lots of driving with Ian in my little go-kart of a Saxo (or Sexo as my friend and I, who also has one, have renamed our cars). I was confident in that, perhaps a little complacent at times but I just didn't think I could pass my test. 

I knew there was no reason I couldn't, there was every reason I could do it, but I couldn't let myself think I'd pass first time. I'd booked the day off work, I went for a drive with my instructor before the test, we practised manoeuvres (that really doesn't look right, spell check tells me it is), we talked through the "Show Me Tell Me" parts of the test and discussed why I probably shouldn't answer with "well that's why I married a mechanic" when asked anything complicated. I drove us to the test centre, I won't lie, I was absolutely shitting myself. I tried to tell myself it didn't matter if I failed but I knew deep down it would, I knew that if I failed I would be so very angry and disappointed. I also knew it would cost me another £100ish to retake my test and cost me another day of my annual leave. I'm hard on myself, I know this.

My legs shook the whole time I was driving, my parallel park was torturous, I forgot to indicate when turning onto a main road, I swore under my breath and dripped with sweat. We pulled into the test centre, he told me to make myself comfortable while he went through his sheet. I panicked, my heart beat too fast, I waited and waited.

"I'm pleased to tell you, you've passed" 

I nearly died, I asked him if I really had, I didn't believe I could but I had, he was really passing me. I have never been so bloody pleased in all of my life. I feel like a real independent grown up now, I have a car, I have a bit of paper that says I'm allowed to drive (my licence is on its way), I'm waiting to find out I've dreamt it.

*It's going anywhere it damn well wants to, apparently.