This morning I went to see the dentist, I hate going to the dentist, I have avoided going for about two years such is my dislike. Once I've left the surgery I feel ok, I don't mind it, it's the lead up to it I don't like. I worry I'll have to have them all out or that the dentist will find oral cancer or anything else you can convince yourself of - I am nothing if not thorough. Last weekend I was biting the side of my thumb, a hideous habit, and I chipped the cap on a front tooth. That was it I knew then I'd have to return to the dreaded dentist. It's ok, I thought, it's just a little chip, I've had it done so many times I know it's nothing to worry about. Nothing except for the needle that feels like it's going right up your nose and into your eyeball.
I had to wait all week to get there. I walked in and was faced with a young, good looking male dentist, I had a sinking feeling. I don't know if it's just me but I don't like that at all. It's ok though, he instantly made me feel like I might just cry and suddenly rather than thinking he was hot I wanted to punch him.
"What's the problem?" he asked. I pointed to my chipped tooth and said "this."
There followed a lecture about how my real problem was how awful my overjet (I think this is what he called it, I thought it was an overbite) is. He wanted me to hold a small mirror in front of my face and stare at my teeth while he explained how terrible they were. I had no intention of doing this, I told him as much. I never look at my teeth because I don't like them, I don't need a mirror to know how bad they are.
"You need surgery really, I can't do it, they destroy your mouth, take some jaw out, maybe some teeth and put it back together. Or you know, you could have a brace. That wouldn't be NHS, it would cost you thousands but you really need to sort this."
Then he looked at my teeth and checked them all, much to my surprise I don't need any work other than to have the chip fixed and to have a scale and polish.
Once he'd had a look he explained again "you're thirty years old now, you really should have this done."
I felt like a child, a child with the worst teeth any human has ever had. I should clarify, they're straight, neat teeth but they come forward a bit. It's something I'm conscious of, so conscious in fact I told our wedding photographer I didn't even want to see proofs of photos that show teeth. I hate them. I'd have them fixed but you know what, I don't really have thousands to pay out and the idea of having some of my jaw taken out really doesn't appeal, not when they're not actually giving me any trouble right now.
I have to go back next week to have the chip fixed. He's going to bully me about having braces again, I know he is. I don't want to go back but I also don't want to have a big chip in my tooth making me look like I should be on Jeremy Kyle.
I hate my teeth but I think I hate my dentist even more.